To You (you know who you are ;) )

Actually it would have been four hours if we hadn't kept losing each other.... and if I didn't have to work..

That video that the link was to made me laugh, but I think it fits some.... Not everything, obviously, since I can't touch you... But other things I think fit..
I know it's too soon to say what will happen in the future, but whatever happens, wherever things go, I think we'll find a way to make that dream of yours come true... Because I want it too.....

It might not be perfect, but who needs perfection? Not me. Not when I feel like I have something better.

And if you don't know what that something is, I'm just have to make things happen even sooner :P

But honestly, I know every time I say, "If you want me to - " you kind of tease me, but I'm saying it again anyway... Well, it's implied, at any rate..

So, the question is:
Would it be better for you to be all alone in Austria, so far away, or still not close enough to me in New Orleans?

Because I'm pretty sure that both of those options suck....

It seems right now Cali is probably out of the question, but there are a million places in the world, and I'd like to be in any of them if it meant you were with me.... Cuz I'm falling hard for you, too...

And I may be insane, but at least I'm enthusiastic about it..... And I have always wanted to go somewhere outside the US..... Not 'cause I don't like it here, I just have this urge to travel a bit..

Is it falling into place yet? Or should I just come right out and say it??

But if you figured it out, I think I would..... I think maybe I just might... I can't be certain yet..... It's all kind of fast.. But it's like people say - that it's like a rollercoaster - cuz even though it's fast, and making me dizzy, it's also making me really happy, and I wouldn't get off even if I thought that I could......

I'd be more insane, I think, to let you slip through my fingers than to spend every cent I have just so I could see you......

And I don't care... 'Cuz I care more about you..........

So I think I like being crazy... And I don't mind.. if you don't mind..... and so long as you're crazy with me.. xD

Take My Hand

I want to tell you you're Beautiful
I want to say I think I love you
I want to tell you not to go There
Come, take My Hand, be with me, Here


but I'm afraid you'll run away
if I tell you I think of you all day


can't we take this chance?
run across the ocean, dance
hand in hand; me to you, you to me -
and everyone can let Us be


take my hand, frown upside down
I will spin you around and around


Austrian Butterflies in my belly
i hope they never leave


take my hand, don't run away
even if all we do is sit here
'til the end of days

Want You

so scared, but so fully aware
that i want you
help me, pick me up and fly me
up to the top of your stair case
i can float on my own, you say
i tell you i want you
you dont want to hurt me, drop me
let me fall, i can get up on my own
just help me get to our place
my head is fighting my heart,
i dont want to scare you, hurt you,
make it so
you fail, flail, and fall, fall apart
but i want you
if i could see the end of us
and know where we're going
if i could know how it would go
and see we wouldn't be happy,
i think i'd still want to do it all
as long as i am not the reason you fall
because i want you
but i'll wait, no matter what you say
if you do want to be with me,
i'll wait for you....
i don't want to chance another,
I want you.

Hello, Woe (1 of 5)

Angry, i'm home Alone -
knock, knock, knock -
i peer through the hole,
and undo the lock.

a plain face Stares,
a Smiling Girl,
all in Black -
cheap tiara among curl.

i don't know her,
but feel i do;
She asks to come in,
and i allow her to.

i am Cautious,
but we start talking -
her Jokes are cruel,
her Silences disturbing.....

her voice is grating,
like Glass in a blender -
her name is Woe.
her lips are slender,

teeth: pointed, Sharp -
eyes gleaming - suddenly Red -
the smell of her breath
could wake the dead.....

i try to hide my Fear,
and rush her out -
say i must to work -
and lock the door behind.

She pounds its wood,
screaming shrilly -
Protesting that She
will never leave.

You're Out!

Or rather, I am..... The last two weeks or so have been a whirlwind....... So, I've come out with the truth to my mother.... It happened a lot faster than I expected, really, but then, so did alot of other things.

And the way I discovered the truth was rather interesting in itself... Or at least, what seems to be the truth so far. I'm still feel like I can't be certain until I've had an experience with another woman, but for now I'm one step closer to figuring things out.

So here's what happened. I was at home. A friend of my landlord's, and his roommate, both came over. I really felt like having a good time, cutting loose... Not worrying about anything. So we played "Asshole" Although, I would personally change the name to "Bitch" if I could.

Asshole is a drinking game. Someone throws down a card, and you have to throw down a card equal or higher. If you can't beat it or match it, you drink. If you are saving cards for later in the game (pass), you drink. If someone throws down the same card the person before them did, you get skipped, and you have to drink. And you have to drink for stupidity sometimes, if something you do is obviously very very stupid. Also, if its 2nd round or higher, then anyone can make anyone with a ranking below theirs drink. Lots and lots of drinking. Especially when I'm president. I totally abuse my power.... It's actually a tiny bit more complicated than that, but that's pretty much the gist of it....

Anyway, that's only a small detail. The reason I said is to verify that we drank A LOT.

I can hold my liquor extremely well, but I don't normally drink that much, or that often, just for anyone who cares.

So the real point of the story from that night (or rather that morning, by the time it happened) is that I got kissed.

Funny thing is, I'm the kind of person who, as soon as they'd both left, probably would've danced all around my living room and stupid embarrassing things like that. But that didn't happen. I felt more awkward, uncomfortable, confused..... And not that I didn't know he liked me... He'd asked me out before. But it was like I was waiting to see if I felt anything for him, and then once he kissed me, I knew, I didn't. The thing is, if I'd've been another person, it probably would've confused me more, because he actually was a good kisser..... So I would've wondered if it was just him.. But of course since I'm me and not someone else, it makes me wonder if I was right. It honestly could've been I just wasn't into him, I know that. But it doesn't feel like that all there was to it to me.
I think that really I just need to stop questioning myself so damn much.

I sometimes considering taking my mother's advice.... Well, on this one particular point, anyway.... Which is that I'm only 20. It's not like I NEED to have it all figured out right now. Only problem with that is, I did meet a girl once who refused to date girls who weren't certain they were gay.... And I didn't really get it, but it turned out she was afraid that they would decide they weren't, and go back to a guy....

Wellll - that might be fine for some of those girls to do something like that, but not me. I think that's more on their personality rather than their orientation. I think that there's absolutely nothing wrong with, for example, being a woman who was straight her entire life, save for one relationship she had with a woman, and even after they broke up never again dated another woman. It just happened that that was who she fell for.

You fall for a person, not a gender.

Therefore I wouldn't break up or leave someone simply because I didn't know, and I don't think that that's enough for me to leave them, or for them to say that they wouldn't be in a relationship with me....

I need someone who's okay with me not knowing, as long I know I love them, and so long as they know it too.

It's Me Again, Woe (3 out of 5)

yes, She is back,
that fiend, Woe.
She that creeps into me,
body and soul.

gets under my Skin,
and doesn't leave me for weeks
She knocks, i answer -
and i am full of Red leaks....

sometimes i feel She's gone,
and then i turn around -
suddenly there She is,
wearing her ugly crown.

She waits for me,
hiding in Shadows,
and broken Mirrors -
her home sweet home

She reaches for me,
trying to sink her Razor
teeth into my Arms,
handing out candied torture

She detests me...
She mutters under her breath,
cursing me and all i am,
and whispers in my head...

She tells me lies,
and repeats tenfold
that She is all the truth
i will ever own

and i do not dispute,
as She breaks my arm,
rips apart my lungs,
and crushes my Heart

the blackness surrounds me
my breath catches in my throat -
She's choking my windpipe -
i'm trying to stay afloat

but i'm drowning,
falling into her dark cave,
i'm tempted to fight
as She drags me to my grave

drool drips down
and hits me in the eye
i struggle for a while
but realize it's just a Lie

so i stay there, limp
and allow her to bond
her disgusting body
into my own

to allow her mind
to meld to mine

and then We get up,
and return to the rest
of the World, and no
one is any the wiser.

This One Should Have Been Dated November 23rd

My uncle's birthday. Kevin Michael Chambers..... I miss you dearly. I feel I should do more to uphold your name.... Your middle one, obviously. I don't know what the hell the female form of Kevin is, sorry. If you were here, and youknew everything I felt and was going through, I have to wonder what you'd say to me. I know you'd tell me I'm alright, and you love me, because that's who you were. But sometimes I honestly feel I'm not carrying out your legacy enough..... You were one of the kindest people ever, and I would've thought so whether you were family or not. I miss your jokes.... I almost forgot your laugh. I cried when I finally remembered it. I had been so scared I lost the sound of it forever.... I love you.