Girl: (softly, to self) Home, finally
Too many things
[She stops in her tracks, seeing Woe before her]
What are you doing here?
How did you get in here?
Woe: I have my ways….
Girl: I cannot speak with you
I have too many things to do…..
Please leave
Or i’ll call the police
Woe: Don’t make me laugh!
Your kind can’t outstand me.
Besides, you won’t do it – we both know that.
It isn’t in you, so stop resisting.
Girl: No. i won’t.
i’m not yours, you can’t make me.
(slightly disbelievingly) i-i can get away from you –
i won’t be what you want me to be!
Woe: (losing control) You will, and you will quiet,
And you will not shout!
You will do as I say,
And you will not get out!
(regaining self) I tire of your antics,
How you resist me.
Tire, of your talk –.
And how you keep deflecting –
I cannot stand this fruitless banter,
How it drives me…..
(smirking) Your struggles make me win faster.
You should give up.
Girl: (slightly amused) How can it be faster
To let you win?
All you say is not worth
The trash bin.
[Woe attacks her, locks her in a hold]
Woe: I grow sore of your tries!
We both know I win,
And you always cry...
Your blood is mine
[Girl struggles]
Your breath, belongs to me
Girl: (simultaneously with Woe) You lie!
Woe: (continuing as if the girl had not spoken) My tiara comes from thee,
[Woe reiterates attack, angered by girl’s defiance]But you are mine,
And I will take you back!
Girl: And if i struggle once more –
What difference in the score?
She will win me –
(breaking free) i can’t let this be!
Woe: (humored) It’s too late.
(matter-of-factly) This is already what is.
It is your fault
I do this.
Girl: (submissively) i can see that She is right…..
Still, i cannot help but fight –
[they struggle, Girl continues speaking during the struggle]
You monster!
i am no part of thee!
[Woe captures her; Girl continues]
(resignedly) Yet still, She wins,
And steals me to her Hell’s Ends.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Am I going crazy, or just.... already there?
So okay, it's been almost a year since I have used this fucking thing. But guess what, shit happens. No internet for like seven months puts a real kink in the system, too. And I don't simply mean I didn't have internet at home - I had almost no access to it. Turns out my city library wouldn't let me on because well, I let my mom use my card during that time when I wasn't living with her, and needless to say, she racked up waayyy too many fines. Anyhoo, by the time I had any net access, I was busy filling out job applications, and getting ready for a) my baby to arrive in the U.S. (finally!), and b) for school to start. So, then I had ten times less time for blogging once the latter took place, and am surprised at all that I made it this soon. In fact, I'm certain the only reason I did is due to the fact that one of my classes just ended over the weekend. We got our final grades back today (I got mine back Sunday since I had no missing work) and was surprised to find I finished with basically a 96, even through all the crap and problems I had in it. One of our assignments was to right a 3-5 minute play, consisting of no more than 3 places, 3 people, and 3 scenes. Also, there was supposed to be a message and a dramatic question.... We were asked to post our plays for everyone to read and tell the message. Honestly, I don't know if people could get any dumber... Not a single person knew what the message of my play was, and only a few came close. Now, naturally I wouldn't just assume they were all idiots and write them off - my teacher, my uncle (who never made it past 9th grade, mind you) my mother, and my girlfriend all figured it out without a single problem. Now, considering how different they all are, is it really too much to ask a few handfuls of college students to be able to do the same? What I really love is the fact that when we posted our rough drafts, one classmate actually commented that my play was "too complicated for a drama 105 class." Seriously?!? This isn't high school any more, people! Which is also what I would ADORE telling some people in my Journalism class as well. They sit there and fucking myspace in the middle of the class lecture, as though the professor can't see the computer screens! He isn't blind, which many of them learned last week when he finally went off on them. My point of bringing this up, though, is the fact that they treat seemingly all the aspects of that class the same way. None of them seem to know how to count, either. I may have forgotten to add that I'm the distribution manager for the school's newspaper - well, ok, maybe not maybe. It's my job to make sure that circulation stays up. And most of them agreed to put only 25-ish papers in their spots, but so far haven't gotten a handle on that yet - and that was two weeks ago. So, I put out a - very polite for me - email to them, and am going to have to hand them their papers as though they're all in kindergarten again.
My other drama class, radio and voice-over, is having midterms right now. I wrote up a commercial, did paperwork to go along with it so my teacher understand the pov of it, and recorded it for playback in class. However, she wasn't really feeling great Monday, so we left early, and mine wasn't one of the ones she pulled from the pile before the end. I have a fourth class I'm taking - Music 190. We have brand new teacher - our original one was awesome, but he was going to get cut next semester since it was the only class he taught, and had to get a new job, which required him transferring right away. Our replacement is actually the head of the dept., which is fine - until we found out we had tests. I don't mind it, I just find it odd that she told us they were mandated by the state when our other teacher wasn't going to make us have any.
So, why am I going crazy? Well, even with my online class being done, I still have 3 more that don't make for the greatest schedule, especially considering one of them lasts until after 8 twice a week. The other two both start before 12, and with my managing duties, taking the tram for almost an hour twice a day, homework and errands, its no wonder I haven't been able to secure a decent job. Okay, yeah I do have one - that I haven't even trained for even though they hired me three weekends ago. So my part that I most def need training for is only on weekends, and the first two times my new boss was unable to do it. The third, because I had midterms for two classes and finals for one, I opted to focus on school instead - sorry if that was a dumb move. But the problems of not having job that allows me to get all my school shit done and still earn money is really weighing down on me, especially in the guilt dept. As of now, my girlfriend takes care of me - as best she can- because she realizes how hard things are for me. And yeah, I suppose I could've gotten a job rather than take the position on the paper that I did, but guess what? I'm inclined to believe it really has not that much affect - on the job level, not the time and stress levels. Why? Mainly because I didn't start out there - for the first five-ish weeks of school, I was just a normal staff member. It was only after I realized I was really getting nowhere in the job dept that I decided to sieze this added responsibility. Not to mention, thez really needed someone to do it, considering the mess it was beforehand. My props to my managing editor, however, for keeping the mess as small as he did considering he had been doing that, plus his regular position and photo editing at the same time.
Needless as it is to point out, all this school shit is causing problems between me and my girl. We don't spend enough time together, we spend too much time together, the time we spend together isn't REALLY together. She's got two honors classes and two other classes because she's completely nuts, and she's treasurer of our campus LGBT group. We fight too much, we don't talk enough, and things get.... lost. I wish we had more "us time", but it really isn't happening. She doesn't even really have personal time, whereas I do. Maybe not a lot, but I squeeze it in. It kind of obvious you don't spend enough time with your girlfriend when you're excited to go shopping with her, or run to get water at one in the morning with her.
My crazy really needs to leave.
That all being said, I seem to be doing good in my classes, which is really important considering I need a 3.5 to transfer, but I want a 4.0. I have a better chance of getting money to actually attend school that way. Anyways, I had a review that I wrote for the paper that came out in today's issure that my editor loved so much she apparently spent an hour and half on the accompanying artwork, and mine made the top of the page. I know I have an A in my voice-over class simply because our teacher doesn't grade us on performance because she doesn't believe that's fair. Instead, she grades the paperwork that goes along with it. If you have what you're supposed to and it's good, you get all the points. In my music class so far we've only had one project, so therefore one grade. So yes, I've got all A's as of now, but.... what will the end turn out to be? That's what scares me, and it's making me crazy.
My other drama class, radio and voice-over, is having midterms right now. I wrote up a commercial, did paperwork to go along with it so my teacher understand the pov of it, and recorded it for playback in class. However, she wasn't really feeling great Monday, so we left early, and mine wasn't one of the ones she pulled from the pile before the end. I have a fourth class I'm taking - Music 190. We have brand new teacher - our original one was awesome, but he was going to get cut next semester since it was the only class he taught, and had to get a new job, which required him transferring right away. Our replacement is actually the head of the dept., which is fine - until we found out we had tests. I don't mind it, I just find it odd that she told us they were mandated by the state when our other teacher wasn't going to make us have any.
So, why am I going crazy? Well, even with my online class being done, I still have 3 more that don't make for the greatest schedule, especially considering one of them lasts until after 8 twice a week. The other two both start before 12, and with my managing duties, taking the tram for almost an hour twice a day, homework and errands, its no wonder I haven't been able to secure a decent job. Okay, yeah I do have one - that I haven't even trained for even though they hired me three weekends ago. So my part that I most def need training for is only on weekends, and the first two times my new boss was unable to do it. The third, because I had midterms for two classes and finals for one, I opted to focus on school instead - sorry if that was a dumb move. But the problems of not having job that allows me to get all my school shit done and still earn money is really weighing down on me, especially in the guilt dept. As of now, my girlfriend takes care of me - as best she can- because she realizes how hard things are for me. And yeah, I suppose I could've gotten a job rather than take the position on the paper that I did, but guess what? I'm inclined to believe it really has not that much affect - on the job level, not the time and stress levels. Why? Mainly because I didn't start out there - for the first five-ish weeks of school, I was just a normal staff member. It was only after I realized I was really getting nowhere in the job dept that I decided to sieze this added responsibility. Not to mention, thez really needed someone to do it, considering the mess it was beforehand. My props to my managing editor, however, for keeping the mess as small as he did considering he had been doing that, plus his regular position and photo editing at the same time.
Needless as it is to point out, all this school shit is causing problems between me and my girl. We don't spend enough time together, we spend too much time together, the time we spend together isn't REALLY together. She's got two honors classes and two other classes because she's completely nuts, and she's treasurer of our campus LGBT group. We fight too much, we don't talk enough, and things get.... lost. I wish we had more "us time", but it really isn't happening. She doesn't even really have personal time, whereas I do. Maybe not a lot, but I squeeze it in. It kind of obvious you don't spend enough time with your girlfriend when you're excited to go shopping with her, or run to get water at one in the morning with her.
My crazy really needs to leave.
That all being said, I seem to be doing good in my classes, which is really important considering I need a 3.5 to transfer, but I want a 4.0. I have a better chance of getting money to actually attend school that way. Anyways, I had a review that I wrote for the paper that came out in today's issure that my editor loved so much she apparently spent an hour and half on the accompanying artwork, and mine made the top of the page. I know I have an A in my voice-over class simply because our teacher doesn't grade us on performance because she doesn't believe that's fair. Instead, she grades the paperwork that goes along with it. If you have what you're supposed to and it's good, you get all the points. In my music class so far we've only had one project, so therefore one grade. So yes, I've got all A's as of now, but.... what will the end turn out to be? That's what scares me, and it's making me crazy.
Friday, December 12, 2008
To You (you know who you are ;) )
Actually it would have been four hours if we hadn't kept losing each other.... and if I didn't have to work..
That video that the link was to made me laugh, but I think it fits some.... Not everything, obviously, since I can't touch you... But other things I think fit..
I know it's too soon to say what will happen in the future, but whatever happens, wherever things go, I think we'll find a way to make that dream of yours come true... Because I want it too.....
It might not be perfect, but who needs perfection? Not me. Not when I feel like I have something better.
And if you don't know what that something is, I'm just have to make things happen even sooner :P
But honestly, I know every time I say, "If you want me to - " you kind of tease me, but I'm saying it again anyway... Well, it's implied, at any rate..
So, the question is:
Would it be better for you to be all alone in Austria, so far away, or still not close enough to me in New Orleans?
Because I'm pretty sure that both of those options suck....
It seems right now Cali is probably out of the question, but there are a million places in the world, and I'd like to be in any of them if it meant you were with me.... Cuz I'm falling hard for you, too...
And I may be insane, but at least I'm enthusiastic about it..... And I have always wanted to go somewhere outside the US..... Not 'cause I don't like it here, I just have this urge to travel a bit..
Is it falling into place yet? Or should I just come right out and say it??
But if you figured it out, I think I would..... I think maybe I just might... I can't be certain yet..... It's all kind of fast.. But it's like people say - that it's like a rollercoaster - cuz even though it's fast, and making me dizzy, it's also making me really happy, and I wouldn't get off even if I thought that I could......
I'd be more insane, I think, to let you slip through my fingers than to spend every cent I have just so I could see you......
And I don't care... 'Cuz I care more about you..........
So I think I like being crazy... And I don't mind.. if you don't mind..... and so long as you're crazy with me.. xD
That video that the link was to made me laugh, but I think it fits some.... Not everything, obviously, since I can't touch you... But other things I think fit..
I know it's too soon to say what will happen in the future, but whatever happens, wherever things go, I think we'll find a way to make that dream of yours come true... Because I want it too.....
It might not be perfect, but who needs perfection? Not me. Not when I feel like I have something better.
And if you don't know what that something is, I'm just have to make things happen even sooner :P
But honestly, I know every time I say, "If you want me to - " you kind of tease me, but I'm saying it again anyway... Well, it's implied, at any rate..
So, the question is:
Would it be better for you to be all alone in Austria, so far away, or still not close enough to me in New Orleans?
Because I'm pretty sure that both of those options suck....
It seems right now Cali is probably out of the question, but there are a million places in the world, and I'd like to be in any of them if it meant you were with me.... Cuz I'm falling hard for you, too...
And I may be insane, but at least I'm enthusiastic about it..... And I have always wanted to go somewhere outside the US..... Not 'cause I don't like it here, I just have this urge to travel a bit..
Is it falling into place yet? Or should I just come right out and say it??
But if you figured it out, I think I would..... I think maybe I just might... I can't be certain yet..... It's all kind of fast.. But it's like people say - that it's like a rollercoaster - cuz even though it's fast, and making me dizzy, it's also making me really happy, and I wouldn't get off even if I thought that I could......
I'd be more insane, I think, to let you slip through my fingers than to spend every cent I have just so I could see you......
And I don't care... 'Cuz I care more about you..........
So I think I like being crazy... And I don't mind.. if you don't mind..... and so long as you're crazy with me.. xD
Monday, December 8, 2008
Take My Hand
I want to tell you you're Beautiful
I want to say I think I love you
I want to tell you not to go There
Come, take My Hand, be with me, Here
but I'm afraid you'll run away
if I tell you I think of you all day
can't we take this chance?
run across the ocean, dance
hand in hand; me to you, you to me -
and everyone can let Us be
take my hand, frown upside down
I will spin you around and around
Austrian Butterflies in my belly
i hope they never leave
take my hand, don't run away
even if all we do is sit here
'til the end of days
I want to say I think I love you
I want to tell you not to go There
Come, take My Hand, be with me, Here
but I'm afraid you'll run away
if I tell you I think of you all day
can't we take this chance?
run across the ocean, dance
hand in hand; me to you, you to me -
and everyone can let Us be
take my hand, frown upside down
I will spin you around and around
Austrian Butterflies in my belly
i hope they never leave
take my hand, don't run away
even if all we do is sit here
'til the end of days
Want You
so scared, but so fully aware
that i want you
help me, pick me up and fly me
up to the top of your stair case
i can float on my own, you say
i tell you i want you
you dont want to hurt me, drop me
let me fall, i can get up on my own
just help me get to our place
my head is fighting my heart,
i dont want to scare you, hurt you,
make it so
you fail, flail, and fall, fall apart
but i want you
if i could see the end of us
and know where we're going
if i could know how it would go
and see we wouldn't be happy,
i think i'd still want to do it all
as long as i am not the reason you fall
because i want you
but i'll wait, no matter what you say
if you do want to be with me,
i'll wait for you....
i don't want to chance another,
I want you.
that i want you
help me, pick me up and fly me
up to the top of your stair case
i can float on my own, you say
i tell you i want you
you dont want to hurt me, drop me
let me fall, i can get up on my own
just help me get to our place
my head is fighting my heart,
i dont want to scare you, hurt you,
make it so
you fail, flail, and fall, fall apart
but i want you
if i could see the end of us
and know where we're going
if i could know how it would go
and see we wouldn't be happy,
i think i'd still want to do it all
as long as i am not the reason you fall
because i want you
but i'll wait, no matter what you say
if you do want to be with me,
i'll wait for you....
i don't want to chance another,
I want you.
Hello, Woe (1 of 5)
Angry, i'm home Alone -
knock, knock, knock -
i peer through the hole,
and undo the lock.
a plain face Stares,
a Smiling Girl,
all in Black -
cheap tiara among curl.
i don't know her,
but feel i do;
She asks to come in,
and i allow her to.
i am Cautious,
but we start talking -
her Jokes are cruel,
her Silences disturbing.....
her voice is grating,
like Glass in a blender -
her name is Woe.
her lips are slender,
teeth: pointed, Sharp -
eyes gleaming - suddenly Red -
the smell of her breath
could wake the dead.....
i try to hide my Fear,
and rush her out -
say i must to work -
and lock the door behind.
She pounds its wood,
screaming shrilly -
Protesting that She
will never leave.
knock, knock, knock -
i peer through the hole,
and undo the lock.
a plain face Stares,
a Smiling Girl,
all in Black -
cheap tiara among curl.
i don't know her,
but feel i do;
She asks to come in,
and i allow her to.
i am Cautious,
but we start talking -
her Jokes are cruel,
her Silences disturbing.....
her voice is grating,
like Glass in a blender -
her name is Woe.
her lips are slender,
teeth: pointed, Sharp -
eyes gleaming - suddenly Red -
the smell of her breath
could wake the dead.....
i try to hide my Fear,
and rush her out -
say i must to work -
and lock the door behind.
She pounds its wood,
screaming shrilly -
Protesting that She
will never leave.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
You're Out!
Or rather, I am..... The last two weeks or so have been a whirlwind....... So, I've come out with the truth to my mother.... It happened a lot faster than I expected, really, but then, so did alot of other things.
And the way I discovered the truth was rather interesting in itself... Or at least, what seems to be the truth so far. I'm still feel like I can't be certain until I've had an experience with another woman, but for now I'm one step closer to figuring things out.
So here's what happened. I was at home. A friend of my landlord's, and his roommate, both came over. I really felt like having a good time, cutting loose... Not worrying about anything. So we played "Asshole" Although, I would personally change the name to "Bitch" if I could.
Asshole is a drinking game. Someone throws down a card, and you have to throw down a card equal or higher. If you can't beat it or match it, you drink. If you are saving cards for later in the game (pass), you drink. If someone throws down the same card the person before them did, you get skipped, and you have to drink. And you have to drink for stupidity sometimes, if something you do is obviously very very stupid. Also, if its 2nd round or higher, then anyone can make anyone with a ranking below theirs drink. Lots and lots of drinking. Especially when I'm president. I totally abuse my power.... It's actually a tiny bit more complicated than that, but that's pretty much the gist of it....
Anyway, that's only a small detail. The reason I said is to verify that we drank A LOT.
I can hold my liquor extremely well, but I don't normally drink that much, or that often, just for anyone who cares.
So the real point of the story from that night (or rather that morning, by the time it happened) is that I got kissed.
Funny thing is, I'm the kind of person who, as soon as they'd both left, probably would've danced all around my living room and stupid embarrassing things like that. But that didn't happen. I felt more awkward, uncomfortable, confused..... And not that I didn't know he liked me... He'd asked me out before. But it was like I was waiting to see if I felt anything for him, and then once he kissed me, I knew, I didn't. The thing is, if I'd've been another person, it probably would've confused me more, because he actually was a good kisser..... So I would've wondered if it was just him.. But of course since I'm me and not someone else, it makes me wonder if I was right. It honestly could've been I just wasn't into him, I know that. But it doesn't feel like that all there was to it to me.
I think that really I just need to stop questioning myself so damn much.
I sometimes considering taking my mother's advice.... Well, on this one particular point, anyway.... Which is that I'm only 20. It's not like I NEED to have it all figured out right now. Only problem with that is, I did meet a girl once who refused to date girls who weren't certain they were gay.... And I didn't really get it, but it turned out she was afraid that they would decide they weren't, and go back to a guy....
Wellll - that might be fine for some of those girls to do something like that, but not me. I think that's more on their personality rather than their orientation. I think that there's absolutely nothing wrong with, for example, being a woman who was straight her entire life, save for one relationship she had with a woman, and even after they broke up never again dated another woman. It just happened that that was who she fell for.
You fall for a person, not a gender.
Therefore I wouldn't break up or leave someone simply because I didn't know, and I don't think that that's enough for me to leave them, or for them to say that they wouldn't be in a relationship with me....
I need someone who's okay with me not knowing, as long I know I love them, and so long as they know it too.
And the way I discovered the truth was rather interesting in itself... Or at least, what seems to be the truth so far. I'm still feel like I can't be certain until I've had an experience with another woman, but for now I'm one step closer to figuring things out.
So here's what happened. I was at home. A friend of my landlord's, and his roommate, both came over. I really felt like having a good time, cutting loose... Not worrying about anything. So we played "Asshole" Although, I would personally change the name to "Bitch" if I could.
Asshole is a drinking game. Someone throws down a card, and you have to throw down a card equal or higher. If you can't beat it or match it, you drink. If you are saving cards for later in the game (pass), you drink. If someone throws down the same card the person before them did, you get skipped, and you have to drink. And you have to drink for stupidity sometimes, if something you do is obviously very very stupid. Also, if its 2nd round or higher, then anyone can make anyone with a ranking below theirs drink. Lots and lots of drinking. Especially when I'm president. I totally abuse my power.... It's actually a tiny bit more complicated than that, but that's pretty much the gist of it....
Anyway, that's only a small detail. The reason I said is to verify that we drank A LOT.
I can hold my liquor extremely well, but I don't normally drink that much, or that often, just for anyone who cares.
So the real point of the story from that night (or rather that morning, by the time it happened) is that I got kissed.
Funny thing is, I'm the kind of person who, as soon as they'd both left, probably would've danced all around my living room and stupid embarrassing things like that. But that didn't happen. I felt more awkward, uncomfortable, confused..... And not that I didn't know he liked me... He'd asked me out before. But it was like I was waiting to see if I felt anything for him, and then once he kissed me, I knew, I didn't. The thing is, if I'd've been another person, it probably would've confused me more, because he actually was a good kisser..... So I would've wondered if it was just him.. But of course since I'm me and not someone else, it makes me wonder if I was right. It honestly could've been I just wasn't into him, I know that. But it doesn't feel like that all there was to it to me.
I think that really I just need to stop questioning myself so damn much.
I sometimes considering taking my mother's advice.... Well, on this one particular point, anyway.... Which is that I'm only 20. It's not like I NEED to have it all figured out right now. Only problem with that is, I did meet a girl once who refused to date girls who weren't certain they were gay.... And I didn't really get it, but it turned out she was afraid that they would decide they weren't, and go back to a guy....
Wellll - that might be fine for some of those girls to do something like that, but not me. I think that's more on their personality rather than their orientation. I think that there's absolutely nothing wrong with, for example, being a woman who was straight her entire life, save for one relationship she had with a woman, and even after they broke up never again dated another woman. It just happened that that was who she fell for.
You fall for a person, not a gender.
Therefore I wouldn't break up or leave someone simply because I didn't know, and I don't think that that's enough for me to leave them, or for them to say that they wouldn't be in a relationship with me....
I need someone who's okay with me not knowing, as long I know I love them, and so long as they know it too.
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